


oh, and when will our heartbeats fall into line

by reconstrictions



Category: K-pop, Nine Muses
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 01:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1167034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reconstrictions/pseuds/reconstrictions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pyo Hyemi turned twenty this year and she is content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	oh, and when will our heartbeats fall into line

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [prompt](http://kprompts.livejournal.com/2521.html?thread=97241): "kyungri and hyemi are college roommates. ([imageset](http://girl-groups.tumblr.com/post/65618587934)) one night they end up having sex. it's supposed to be a one-time thing, but what kyungri doesn't know is that hyemi has been in love with her since like forever."
> 
> Originally posted to [dreamwidth](http://ddoreureu.dreamwidth.org/1727.html)

"Hey- hey, look over here."

Hyemi has no idea what Hyuna's interest in capturing a moment like this is, but she poses for the camera anyway, flashing a tired smile and victory sign without bothering to lift her head from its rest on Kyungri's arm. It's easy to feel the glow of warm content, snuggled up close and cozy with only the light from the reading lamp illuminating their shared room.

(It's easy to pretend for the moment that they're cuddling as more than just roommates in their registrar-assigned room. Hyemi has yet to decide if this closeness is blessing or curse.)

"Yah, Park Kyungri. Look here!" Hyuna whines, and Hyemi's attention slides away from the phone again.

Of course Kyungri's reaction would be to bury herself deeper into the pages of the fashion magazine she's reading, Hyemi silently giggles to herself. And only after Hyuna's huffed in defeat and put down her phone does Kyungri wriggle around to throw one arm over Hyemi's waist, flashing a smirk in Hyuna's direction.

Amidst Hyuna's grumbles and Minha's giggles, Hyemi allows herself to inch closer, going so far as to rest a seemingly-nonchalant hand on Kyungri's waist. _I could live like this,_ Hyemi thinks. _I can go on living like this._

*

Pyo Hyemi turned twenty this year and she is content. An average student in a mid-tier college with nothing outstanding to her name would not be enough for someone else, but Hyemi thinks she's lucky to be studying what she wants, and lucky to have close friends and family who love her.

Pyo Hyemi is happy. Content. She reminds herself of this whenever Kyungri bats her eyelashes at the barista over the counter or leans in a little too close to peer at a classmate's notes. It's obviously just a game, one that Kyungri plays with ease every day. "How many men can Park Kyungri dazzle today?" it goes, and she seems determined to rack up a new high score every time.

And it's always men. There's been more than one admiring female glance sent Kyungri's way but those always go unacknowledged. And perhaps that's worse than being led on with promises of nothing, if only to have Kyungri's attention for just a fleeting moment.

As a friend, Hyemi receives more than just momentary indulgence. She's thankful for that.

 _It's enough,_ she repeats. Mind over matter, or something. Words have power, so maybe repeating them will convince the traitorous protests deep inside. Or something. _It's enough._

*

She can smell the smoke and alcohol on Kyungri's clothes the moment the moment the door opens, but her eyes are too bright to be more than faintly buzzed. 

"Good party?" Hyemi half-raises an eyebrow, knowing better than to get up from her bed. In this state, languid and teasing, Kyungri's likelier to latch on and let her hands casually wander- with or without invitation. 

(That's the most dangerous. When it's just the two of them and Kyungri lazily smiles at her and her alone, arms circling her waist because Kyungri's a cuddly drunk - that's when it's hardest to convince herself that this isn't real - these feelings are merely some stupid pseudo-romance that she can't work out of her system with Kyungri this close every day. That's when Hyemi's resolve fails her, and she forgets she has absolutely no chance at _anything_ with Park Kyungri once they move out of this shared room.

Because Kyungri will hug her just so, almost tender as she rests her cheek on Hyemi's shoulder.

Hyemi never pushes her away.)

"Good~ Very good. You should have been there, then it'd be even better." 

Kyungri's clutch is carelessly dropped on a chair, and Hyemi knows this routine well enough to hurriedly scoot over to the side of her bed nearer the wall before Kyungri throws herself on _her_ bed, uncaring as usual if she lands on girl or mattress. 

"Ew, you stink. Get off my bed." Hyemi wrinkles her nose, making a face. "Go take a shower if you want to cuddle with me, you freak."

It takes ten solid minutes of nagging before Kyungri is finally persuaded to roll off the bed with an exaggerated sigh and promises to return for cuddles.

Hyemi pulls the blankets over her head once the door clicks closed. She shuts her eyes, praying for sleep before Kyungri returns.

*

"...I could have been asleep already, you know."

"Liar." Kyungri sounds just as smug as she looked when she pulled the blankets away, Hyemi's prayers for slumber having gone unanswered. "You'd never fall asleep with something suffocating you like that. Now, move."

She ends up half-sandwiched between Kyungri and the bed, her shoulder turned into a make-shift pillow. It's too warm, despite the late November chill and the dormitory's temperamental heating system. But Kyungri seems comfortable. Content. Maybe it means nothing, but Hyemi's afraid to move.

Hyemi can smell Kyungri's shampoo with every breath she takes, sweet and light and deceptively girlish.

"I'm not squashing you, am I?"

Hyemi shakes her head, remembers that Kyungri can't see her in the dark, and sighs out a quiet "No."

Kyungri makes a half-growled sound of acknowledgement and settles. Hyemi counts the time of her breaths, in and out, waiting for Kyungri to fall asleep so she can disentangle herself from limbs and helpless wishes.

It's one thing to fool herself when awake. It's another to fall asleep already halfway into a dream, with warm touches and the closeness of skin against skin fooling her into false realities.

Hyemi's dream self doesn't know better than to hope, false and fierce; her dream self always chases after Kyungri- Some times, it ends happily. Most nights, it doesn't.

Hyemi is tired of waking up with tears streaming down her cheeks, body tensed and hands curled into the sheets.

*

It's dark, even with her eyes wide open, shadows and silhouettes of the clutter in their room half-visible. But this must be a dream, if Kyungri's breathing kisses against her jaw and trailing fingers over the elastic of her pants.

Hyemi bolts upright and Kyungri _whines_ , pulling her back to the bed with hands wandering too freely with purpose to be anything but intentional.

*

"Stop- Kyungri, stop. You're drunk, you'd never do this sober- You'll be pissed off at me in the morning-"

"Only because I wouldn't dare do this sober, even if... Even if I've been wanting to. For a while."

*

Hyemi thinks her heart might burst.

*

"Please. Let me."

"..."

"Do you really want me to stop? Just tell me to stop and I will. Tell me, come on. I'll stop if you really mean it."

*

Kyungri's touch is careful, or perhaps uncertain. Hyemi doesn't think she's ever seen her this gentle and sincere- until Kyungri huffs snappily when Hyemi asks if it's her first time with a girl and Hyemi just has to laugh, because it's just so _Kyungri_.

"Idiot," she smiles between kisses. "You have the worst sense of timing ever. I'll expect a proper dinner and drinks next time."

Hyemi doesn't say "I love you". She swears it with every caress, every whimper coaxed from her lips.

Hyemi is still faintly aware of her own lingering smile when sleep finally claims her.

*

Wakefulness comes slowly. It begins with warmth pressed against her back and wisps of breath tickling her neck. Hyemi feels the upward pull of her lips before her eyes even open; her smile only widens when she covers the hand nestled against her stomach with her own, and Kyungri nuzzles against her.

"Good morning." Hyemi turns, punctuating the greeting with a peck to Kyungri's lips. 

This is real. She isn't waking cold and alone, with only the fading ghosts of dreams for company.

Kyungri sits up in bed, letting the sheets pool around her bare waist without a trace of modesty. "I'll go take a shower first," she smiles, swinging her feet off the edge of the bed. Hyemi watches Kyungri pull on an old t-shirt, the end falling to mid-thigh, and proceed to choose her outfit for the day. The faint haze of sleep lingers, but it's far from sufficient to dull the warmth that radiates right through her body, happiness gently buzzing under her skin. It leaves her a little giddy.

Pyo Hyemi is in love.

Pyo Hyemi is happy.

*

Kyungri has to hurry off for a consultation with a professor at ten. She filches an energy bar from Hyemi's drawer of snacks - barely dodges a thrown pillow for it - and manages a _mehrong_ before shuffling out, closing the door behind her.

Hyemi isn't disappointed that they can't have breakfast together today. There's always tomorrow, or the day after - all the time in the world to savour in Kyungri's company, over breakfasts and anniversaries; days packed full of date activities or frivolled away, tangled with each other in bed.

She daydreams until she has to bolt from bed upon realising it's almost noon and she has a lunch appointment to keep, their group meeting at the usual restaurant to celebrate Eunji clinching an internship. A shower in record time can't save her from lateness, but at least she's not the last to scamper in. (That dubious honour belongs to Erin. Of course.) The seat next to Kyungri's is unoccupied, and she practically bounces over to fill it, bluntly ignoring Minha's grumbles. Hyemi tries not to grin too blatantly as she slides closer than she usually would, so their thighs brush with every movement.

Kyungri is unusually quiet that day. Hyemi wonders why and resolves to ask in a whispered question when she can, but Kyungri excuses herself before the meal is over, leaving a few bills to pay for her share and exiting with a wave over her shoulder.

*

"Hey, Hyemi- got a minute? I think... I think we need to talk."

*

"Of course." Hyemi looks away first, letting her bangs fall over her eyes; an opaque shield. "Of course."

*

_[27/11/13 9:39:10 PM] moongom119: hey_  
[27/11/13 9:39:27 PM] moongom119: have you noticed hyemi acting a little weird recently?  
[27/11/13 9:46:29 PM] ICE_gang: ?? what're u talking about  
[27/11/13 9:47:30 PM] moongom119: never mind 

*

Of course she's noticed. Hyemi never looks her in the eye any more; never leans in to read over her shoulder when she has a new magazine or jostles with Minha to claim the seat next to her at lunch. She makes some effort when the others are around, but retreats into herself again the moment they're alone.

Kyungri hates that she notices these things at all, that their absence means so much. She's not supposed to _care_ for games like this. It's meant to be just practice for when she graduates and gets a real boyfriend, some swanky banker or lawyer who'll ensure she lives the rest of her days out in vainglorious luxury.

Except that she hasn't seen Hyemi crack a genuine smile in days, or heard her hum a single note under her breath as she writes her essays. 

(The details shouldn't mean more than the big picture, yet Kyungri can't help but notice them anyway.

Hyemi's always been a sound sleeper, dropping off into slumber within minutes of her head touching the pillow. Listening to her breathing lulls Kyungri into slumber on those nights where too many thoughts clutter her head, her one port in the storm. She'd never admit to it, of course, because what kind of loser needs something like that to sleep anyway? 

Recently, though, Kyungri's beginning to reconsider - would admitting it be enough to exchange for Hyemi's peaceful rest, in place of the tossing and turning that now persists late into the night?)

None of this is deliberate, and that only makes it worse.

 _It's not my fault,_ she repeats. She's allowed to have some inconsequential fun, a college experiment to look back on fondly when she's older. That night was just... just an itch, one she needed to get out of her system before it propelled her to do something actually stupid. It shouldn't mean anything to Hyemi. It shouldn't mean anything to her. _It's not my fault._

*

"Hey- c'mon, look over here!"

Hyuna has her phone up again, poised and ready. A quick glance around reveals Hyuna's intended subjects- Eunji and Sera are to Kyungri's left on the couch. Hyemi sits on her right, a chasm of space between them. 

Christmas arrives in two weeks, and it's one party after another leading up to it. Kyungri can't bring herself to kill the mood of the group with this... thing. This tiny issue between the two of them that has had Hyemi sulking for way too long past the expiration date. 

(Kyungri just wants to have fun. She doesn't care about Hyemi's unhappiness at all.

Really.)

Hamming things up for an audience is Kyungri's game, and she does just that for the short video, sending winks and flying kisses, even planting a real one on Sera's cheek.

Kyungri stubbornly pretends not to notice the weight of Hyemi's gaze, or the two shots that Hyemi rapidly downs shortly after. She most definitely does _not_ turn around to see Erin clamber onto Hyemi's lap and stay there the rest of the night.

Why should she notice, why should she care?

Kyungri ignores Hyemi the rest of the party. She flirts outrageously with all the young men she recognises and a few she doesn't. Even Sungah looks mildly inquisitive, towards the end.

*

They're gathering to leave when someone jostles into Kyungri from behind and she stumbles forward, almost brushing Hyemi.

Hyemi _flinches_.

Something twists in Kyungri's chest, sharp and tight and cutting the air from her lungs.

Everyone's staring at them now, and Sera has that stupid look of worried concentration that always precedes probing questions which Kyungri is sure to hate.

Kyungri turns and walks away.

Kyungri tells herself she isn't running.

*

"Okay, look." She should have known it'd be impossible to escape Sera indefinitely. "Whatever's going on between you two, you need to fix it."

Kyungri's protests are ready before Sera's done talking- this isn't fair, it's Hyemi's problem to sort out not hers and why does everyone think it's her fault when they don't even know what happened and-

"You really don't care? That she's so unhappy?" 

Kyungri's face closes off, red lips pursing tightly together.

*

Kyungri won't forgive anyone who calls her a coward.

In retrospect, she really should have planned this better.

*

"Hey. Do you have a couple of minutes? We need to talk."

*

Hyemi sits in a chair, perfectly still with arms crossed. Kyungri makes a valiant effort to do the same.

Fifteen minutes later, she's nearly out of breath and things to say. Hyemi remains unmoved.

"We-we're in college!" Kyungri sputters. "This is just. You know, come _on_. I flirt with ten different boys in one day and that's fine, everyone knows it's just what college students do! No one takes these kind of things seriously!"

She's ready to give up on receiving any answer when Hyemi stands, still not looking her in the eye as she walks out of their room.

"I did."

*

She makes plans to go home to Busan for winter break - all of it.

"Really, Unni? Really?" Minha's pouting isn't enough to deflect attention from the conspicuous quietness with which Hyemi excuses herself from the room. Eight pairs of eyes watch her leave, and seven pairs deflect to stare at Kyungri once she's gone. Kyungri scowls and holds her head high, daring them to say something.

She's actually surprised when they don't, and it's _Erin_ who leaves the room to go after Hyemi instead.

Kyungri bites down on her lower lip and counts backwards from fifty, skipping every even number. 

This is ridiculous. She has no reason to feel threatened at all.

(It thrums under her skin nonetheless, the urge to get up and do something. She's already tried talking to Hyemi who just wouldn't _listen_ ; Kyungri's done her part to try and fix this already, so why does she still feel like the bad guy?)

The conversations about holiday plans continue, carefully stepping around the elephant in the room while Kyungri stews in silence. A month away from them is just what she needs, and maybe Pyo Hyemi will have her head sorted out by that time so they can go back to normal, hanging out and cuddling without it needing to _mean_ anything...

The door clicks open, and Erin enters. Alone. There's a furrow between Kyungri's brows as she eyes Erin cross the room and plant herself next to Sera, leaning over to whisper in her ear. Sera nods.

It's a very foreboding nod.

*

Kyungri has no idea how Sera ends up leading her out of the room. She has no idea why the hell she's even following, when she knows full well that this can only end with one of those mediatory reconciliation things that Sera is so optimistically fond of. She should probably turn back now, except that Sera confiscated her phone before they'd left, saying something about Kyungri hiding behind the screen of her phone as an excuse when uncomfortable, which is an _utter falsehood_ because Park Kyungri doesn't need to hide from anyone, much less Ryu Sera whom she can take in a verbal or physical tussle any day-

The last thing Kyungri expects is for Sungah to show up from out of nowhere and shove her through a dark doorway.

She doesn't see who slams the door shut behind her.

*

Being locked together in a storage closet is literally the most cliched idea to ever cliche.

Which means that Kyungri is already plotting vengeance on Ryu Sera, because no one else but that idiot with her Disney Princess posters could be the mastermind. Kyungri is scowling as she goes through every nasty prank and trick she knows, possibly making up a few new ones along the way.

It's easier than focusing on Hyemi. Hyemi sitting on the floor opposite her, chin on her knees and legs tucked close to her chest.

*

It's fucking cold. The building's central heating isn't connected to this room - _obviously_ \- and all Kyungri has is a single sweater.

At least Hyemi has her own jacket and they don't need to share.

Kyungri gives up on calling for help after an hour. It's impossible that no one's come to investigate yet, so Sera and the others must have done something to keep them isolated.

It's a more comforting thought than Kyungri's other idea, at least.

"They'd better not have forgotten about us," Kyungri seethes, kicking the door with the heel of her foot. It doesn't budge. Of course. She stares moodily at the ceiling, not bothering to suppress a long-suffering sigh. "If they forget and leave us here over winter break and we die, I'll return as a ghost and haunt every one of them for the rest of their lives."

*

"Unni."

Kyungri actually jumps, whirling around and half-expecting to see a third person in the closet with them. Hyemi's never called her that, not once in the two years they've roomed together. No matter how much cajoling or threatening or bribery Kyungri tried, it's never worked.

"If we. After we change rooms next semester..." 

A lead weight sinks in Kyungri's gut, heavy and choking.

*

"Will you forget about me?"

*

Something is off with Hyemi's voice.

It's so utterly foreign that Kyungri can't place the reason for it at all.

Hyemi is crying.

*

But Pyo Hyemi doesn't cry. 

Hyemi never cries. 

Kyungri's always been certain that Hyemi wouldn't cry if she were stabbed.

Except that Hyemi _is_ crying, wet streaks running down her cheeks. Her gaze holds steady, even as her eyes continue to overflow with silent tears.

Kyungri finds herself pinned by that gaze, words fleeing her while she sits immobilised-

*

"...I knew it. I- Never mind. It's fine, I got it. You don't have to say anything."

*

-but Hyemi's voice sounds so rough, so hurt and _bitter_ that Kyungri's lunging to close the gap between them before she realises she's moving, crashing into Hyemi and crushing her with a hug.

"Are you completely stupid?" Kyungri snaps. She's out of patience and and out of trust in her voice not to shake if she speaks civilly. "Of course I won't forget- I can't ever forget you, you idiot, what the hell are you talking about- Do you know what you're saying?!"

Kyung feels arms wrap around her waist and the wetness of Hyemi's face against her neck when she pauses for air, and the pent-up ball of emotions spoiling for a fight leaves her in a sudden rush. 

"Don't be stupid, idiot." Kyungri's voice is quiet, muffled as she continues to hold on to Hyemi. "Of course I won't forget you. It's weird for me to say this but you're actually _great_ , you know, you could have your pick of any boys on this campus and be happy with them-"

"But I won't love them. Why can't you just _listen_ to me? All I want- all I'll ever want is you. Just you."

Kyungri has nothing to say to that.

*

"Please stop running away from me."

*

Kyungri never runs.

If there is a definition of her pride, this is it. Stand firm. Don't look back. Hold fast with both hands and never surrender.

Hyemi's let go of her pride, offered it with earnest heart and hope.

All Kyungri has to do is reach out and take.

*

But only if she lets go first.

*

There's no one else to see her fall.

If it's Hyemi- if it's for Hyemi-

Kyungri can be brave too.

*

The click of the key turning in the lock finally sounds three hours later. The hallway is deserted when they stumble out- whoever it was, she's fled, not waiting for vengeance to be wreaked upon her head.

It's almost midnight by the time Kyungri and Hyemi return to their room, hands and fingers interlaced.

*

By unspoken agreement, they don't want to talk about what happened. Kyungri already has her glares ready for anyone who asks.

Thankfully, they don't have to. When they show up together for breakfast the next morning - standing apart and not touching, but still closer than _before_ \- Sam and Erin greet them with hoots and applause, but nobody asks them anything at all.

Kyungri still wants to punch Sera in the face, though, if only to wipe that smug smirk off it.

(And Hyuna too. And Sungah. And Erin. All of them, the scheming conspirators.

Another part of her wants to give every one of them a great big hug in thanks.

Kyungri figures the two cancel each other out, and so she does nothing in the end.)

*

Hyemi and Kyungri spend the rest of the day in their room, rewriting Kyungri's winter break plans and making new ones for the both of them. Together.

(It takes just over an hour for them to finish.

They spend the rest of the time doing other things.

Hyemi is glad the weather gives her an excuse for turtlenecks and scarves, the next few days.)

*

For all that she's a complete idiot 98% of the time, there's no doubt that Erin hosts the best parties. 

(It's actually the fact that none of the others living in Seoul have apartments with two bathrooms. It's no contest to decide who hosts. Erin doesn't get a say at all.)

This simple fact finds them gathered in Erin's apartment for the new year, their funds pooled to splurge on food and a few bottles of wine. Most of the festivities - usual craziness and hijinks included - have winded down, leaving them to sprawl over whichever surface is most comfortable.

Hyemi has the foresight to claim one end of the couch before the others are even finished with clearing their plates in the kitchen- Minha nabs the other end, of course. They squabble (as usual) and settle in a truce (not usual, bribed only by the threat of no dessert), leaving them where they are now. 

Minha sits curled under blankets on her end, riveted by some broadcast programme.

Hyemi doesn't need blankets for added warmth, not when Kyungri is with her. Kyungri is reading over Hyemi's shoulder for once, chin nestled in the curve between neck and shoulder, arms loosely draped around Hyemi's tiny waist from behind. She's more than a little drowsy from the food and alcohol, content to sit immobile with Hyemi half-curled up in her lap.

"Look here, lovebirds!" Hyuna calls.

"I swear, I'll disassemble your stupid phone and hide the pieces around your apartment for Hoya and Moya to eat," Kyungri mutters, just loud enough for Hyemi to hear. She's rewarded with a giggle, and that placates her for long enough to pose for the camera. She bares her teeth in a mock growl, raising a hand with fingers curled to mimic claws. Hyemi drags her eyes away from her magazine, tilting her head to bump Kyungri's gently as she strikes a similar pose of her own.

Kyungri waits until Hyuna is busy cornering Sungah, phone lens turned away. 

Only when she's certain that no one's looking does she press a quick kiss to the nape of Hyemi's neck. 

*

Hyemi feels the curve of lips against skin, her own smile widening where Kyungri can't see.

Park Kyungri is in love.

And Pyo Hyemi is happy.


End file.
